Build It And They Will Come

I am sitting at Logan Airport in Boston, waiting for a flight to Amsterdam, to board another flight to my final destination, Crete. I am going to Crete to lead a two-week retreat called Communicating Through the Veil. This is a retreat that I co-created with Spirit. I did the grunt-work. Spirit is doing everything else!

Planning this Retreat captured my focus. For six months I have been thinking about, feeling into, and planning for this retreat. Everything else I did this summer - being in my beloved community, being with my precious children, being with significant friends - some in transition, being in a position of leadership - in some of the most powerful workshops I have done, even dancing my bliss - felt secondary, like in-between activities, to creating this retreat.

During this process, I have received two distinct messages. One message was: "Keep creating this retreat." The other message was: "Keep coming back to the present."

I heard the initial message to "Create this retreat" as a misty premonition. I knew I would be creating retreats. Where, how, and why (or rather, the topic) was unclear... until I was in Chania, Crete, Greece and met my Water Tribe. I wanted us. I wanted us bad.

I wanted us to live together, to work together... to create retreats together, starting in Crete. So, while still in Crete, I began looking for where we'd we'd come back together in the Fall.

When I got back to the USA, my Water Tribe fell away. No one wanted to come back together. No one wanted to help create a retreat. For me, the ball had been started, though I wondered if the rolling forward should stop. My logical, sane, and observing friends in Brattleboro, Vermont gently advised me to back down. It would have been so much easier if I had listened to them.

The inner push and pull to continue felt strong, though. Spirit's words, Keep creating this retreat, felt very much like a Field of Dreams "Build it and they will come" kind of statement. So I kept planning.

There were so many times I felt unsure, so many times I was on the edge of freaking out. I would wonder, Why am I doing this, and the inner message remained, "Keep planning."

At one point, the message changed to "Keep coming back to the present." I would feel stress, an anxiety attack quickly coming my way. I'd hear, "Come back to the present." I would doubt. I'd hear, "Come back to the present."

These messages continued for 6 months. Every day, every week, every month... up until now. Now, there's no message. Now, I'm here, about to board the plane. Now, I'm calm, excited, ready.